If you have a post you want to nominate, please leave a link in the comments below.
The deadline for nominations is Friday June 1st.

Steakhouse Blues - Friday, May 18, 2007

“it was clear that I was dealing with guests owning remarkably ill will, tremendous stupidity, astounding arrogance, or a varying combination of all three afflictions. Much like bacteria under the microscope or maggots emerging from a torn garbage bag, these persons have noticably similar habits by which they may be identified.”

Read more…

Our Judges said:
“I share my life with a wine buff, and so read this with a certain trepidation. Thankfully, none of these behavioural deficiencies apply…”

“I’ve sat at tables next to these types of ‘douche-bag’, I’m sure most people have at some point, and this post nails the ‘type’ perfectly.”

The next Post Of The Week will be announced on Sunday evening.
Please note that nominations for next week cannot be accepted until then.

1.Flirty Something-Dinner Parties- the secret horror of the suburbs

Thanks to the hard work of David McWilliams and my own data base of experience I can generally tell the style of dinner party from the driveway, cobble lock and Mercedes mean Avoca recipes served from the entire Stephen Pearse pottery collection, while raked stone and SUV mean Jamie Oliver Asian fusion on indeterminate but expensive monochrome dinner service.

2.From fuck-up to fab-Emotional Amnesia

Who - over such a short space of time - would fly hundreds of miles and drive several more just to do some weeding? That’s when it struck me that something was amiss, something didn’t sound quite right.

3.Lamb Ramblings- Moment of Anxiety#249

The young mother wants you to hold her squeezed-out life. You question her blind trust, because you think you will drop him, you will handle him the wrong way, you will move all too suddenly and his neck will snap backwards, detach, disconnect.

4.The Overnight Editor- AKA the fastest way to destroy a friendship

I wake up asthmatic. Strange bedmites and her dust dried onto my face. Join her next door, clutching comfort-coffee and shit morning television instead of conversation. The afterweed makes everything slow-fuzzy-careful-brittle, like driving through thick fog.

5.Revelations of a subconscious Mind- Introduction

I just looked at my children who had been escorted to the arm chair opposite me, shrouded in a quilt to keep their half naked bodies warm, knowing that the heating had just switched on. I swear I saw red, I got vex and then came a tear. I gritted my teeth and motioned my hand as to encompass the whole of the eight or ten feds in my house. This is a joke, init?

6.Steakhouse Blues- Friday, May 18, 2007

In the time it takes you to taste and approve the wine, I could undress, shower, dry off, and re-dress not in a business suit but in a full set of armor and chainmail complete with padded undergarments. You are not Robert Parker–smell the wine [which is really all that is necessary], taste the wine if you wish, decide whether or not the wine is corked or not, ask for a second opinion from the server if you are unsure, and be done with it.

7.Struggling Author-Friday May 18, 2007

“Of course, to replace a fuse you have to unscrew the front of the box and - ”
“Excuse me, I have to do what?”
“Have you looked at your fuse box?”
“Of course not. Do I strike you as the kind of person who looks at their fuse box?”

8.Unreliable Witness-Turnupspeed

I have too many words. They will eat me alive, they will eat me alive and feed on my corpse. None can appear here. Nothing appears here. Except hype. Hyper. Flooded with phrases that signify. Nothing. Not a word. Don’t say a word. I’m coming down soon. Coming down.

NOMINATIONS FOR THIS WEEK ARE NOW CLOSED.
The shortlist will be appearing shortly- very shortly because the shortlister is in another time zone and doesn’t get up before the sun on Saturdays.

Waiter Rant: The Only Way Is The Wrong Way

There’s a long pause. Finally the younger man says. “My wife’s upset that we don’t have children. The doctors say we probably can’t.”

Read more….
(As the site is closed for maintenance, here’s a Google cached version)

Our Judges said:

“Although I have sometimes wondered if a waiter might be listening in on my conversation, I would never have guessed that they might be thinking about Sun Tzu as they did so. I think that says far more about me than it does about waiters. A nicely written reflection on success and failure.”