Tired Dad: Girls Are Scary
They are THAT age. Not women by any stretch of the imagination. Technically still girls, but girls who have realised they have some strange influence on adult men. That they can make them go red. And perspire. I’m not sure if they even now how or why.
Our judges said:
Love the increasing weakness & confusion caused by what are, after all, only 13-yr-old girls.
The next Post Of The Week will be announced on Sunday evening.
Please note that nominations for next week cannot be accepted until then.
1. From fuck-up to fab!: Double Life
“Tales from other peripatetic colleagues come back to me, tales of buffet breakfast goods secreted into handbags to provide nourishment throughout the day, tales of a hand-to-mouth existence I thought was just another hype if only it didn’t bear such a striking resemblance to my own.”
2. I Love London… Honest!: Who Cares? We love him
“Inman’s most famous character is etched indelibly on British culture and some people have a problem with that. Humphreys is a stereotype, it’s true, but it’s not a negative one because the best thing about Humphreys is that he was never a loser.”
3. It’s A Dog’s Life: Prick up your Ears
“In the 17th Century, the size of your hat was held by many to be an indication of your social class. This was, of course, in the eyes of the hat wearer himself, whilst onlookers probably thought “Look at that Dickhead with the stupid hat” in a precursor-to-Jamiroquoi sort of way.”
4. The Sad Case Of Mr. X: On the Urge to Go - NOW!
“After a little while, Mr.X and the rabble realise they probably should have caused a cascade in the coachhouse’s conveniences before setting out, as they now are all busting for a widdle. One observant participant sees a shadowy wall ahead, and points out that it would be an ideal place for hydrostatic pressure to be lowered.”
5. Tired Dad: Girls Are Scary
“They are THAT age. Not women by any stretch of the imagination. Technically still girls, but girls who have realised they have some strange influence on adult men. That they can make them go red. And perspire. I’m not sure if they even now how or why.”
6. Violent Acres: Every Superhero Needs a Sidekick
“Whatever he was drinking made him bigger and stronger. If I could just figure out a way keep it away from him, he’d slowly lose his power and I could defeat him. But, my zombie parents never left me alone with him! They hovered around him, doing his bidding, kind of like those evil monkeys in the Wizard of Ozz.”
If you have a post you want to nominate, please leave a link in the comments below.
The deadline for nominations is Friday March 16th.
The End of Motherhood : “Little boys do not like the taste of death“
The son asked the question, “Will I die?” The father answered, “We all die eventually.” The son chose to disbelieve him. “I am not going to die,” he said.
Little boys do not like the taste of death. They spit it out if they can.
Our judges said: “Touching and sad, but ultimately hopeful.”
The next Post Of The Week will be announced on Sunday evening.
Please note that nominations for next week cannot be accepted until then.
1. Diamond Geezer: Life, the universe and everything.
But human existence continues beyond the two extremes of your life. Time divides up into three sections. There’s the bit before you were born - the bit you never experienced but can always find out about. Then there’s your alloted life span - the bit you’ve already experienced plus the bit you have yet to experience. And then there’s the bit after you die - the bit you will never experience and will never find out about. Which is a shame. You may discover what your great great great grandmother got up to, but you can never know how your great great great great grandchildren will turn out.
2. El Guapo in DC: Cutting Corners.
“El Guapo, these last several years have been tough. I’ve put every extra penny into the bank and cut corners everywhere I could.”
It was funny that he said this because he was the friend who would drink the grocery brand soda or maybe order water when we went out to dinner. I hadn’t paid much attention to it until he actually pointed it out.
3. Everything is electric: Trauma
“Really?” I said. “Because I found out something about someone I really care about and respect, and it’s absolutely knocked me for six. I don’t know if I know him anymore.”
Pause.
“I wonder if I ever really did,” I added.
There was then a slight pause - the prelude to the Battle of the Really Important News. Who would go first?
4. [from fuck-up to] fab!*: bus ride
My stomach turns in anticipation, I start heaving.
An attempt to partake of one last breath of fresh air results in a lungful of second-hand smoke.
In a few minutes, I will board the Circus Express that takes me to work every morning.
5. Imogen reclaimed: Marches
on days when i convince myself that we’re the same person. and all coffee mugs turn into the precise weight of the one i held at the airport the first time i watched you cry. i wander the streets of this frozen city. and thank christ for ice cube trays.
6. Jabberwock: Monsters bawl
In Enid Blyton books one routinely comes across parents telling their children not to stare at strangers, it’s rude. But India is a country of starers (we call it “being warm and neighbourly and interested in other people”), so no parent here would dream of issuing such a command. Instead the mother started glaring at me too.
7. Life is a Malign Fiesta: … In The Powder Room Where You Chit Chat With Diana Dors
I’m getting nostalgic again - prompted by a weekend viewing of New York Doll, a strangely moving little documentary about Arthur “Killer” Kane, New York Dolls bassist, Mormon convert and the most hilariously unconvincing transvestite in rock.
8. Little.red.boat: Casablanca Airport thoughts: 6
Sink - no water. Sink - no tap. Sink - tap, water, though the act of making it run made all the little cockroaches living behind the tiled surround alarmed, and they ran around in little circles. Pulling the soap dispenser and finding one dropping into my hand made me alarmed, and I ran around in a little circle.
9. The Big Side Order: Keeping Secrets.
The other thing my collection of morbid songs had in common with my sister’s diary was its burden of secrecy. There is a fundamental awfulness that goes with keeping any secret. A secret can burn a hole right through the middle of you, like a hot stone sinking through a softer, more fitting simile. It’s true though. The secret you clutch to your chest like a vulnerable baby is slowly gorging itself on your blood like some monster leech. There’s even something horribly secret about that too.
10. The End of Motherhood?: little boys do not like the taste of death
The son asked the question, “Will I die?” The father answered, “We all die eventually.” The son chose to disbelieve him. “I am not going to die,” he said.
Little boys do not like the taste of death. They spit it out if they can.
11. the wanderings of the b: dark nights
Nights when you don’t know who to call, because no one can give you the response you need.
Nights when you resort to your computer and there isn’t even junk mail in your inbox.
Nights when you’re acting an enthusiastic part all night, and there is no one you want to be honest with.
12. Thinking out loud: If you knew you had a year to live what would you do?
There were moments of reflection, moments when we talked out loud about the impending ending. This enormously accomplished woman said that if she had to do it again she’d take more charge of her life. I was amazed – from the outside it couldn’t look any more taken charge of – but then again how much of life just happens when we’re busy doing other stuff?
