1.Diamond Geezer-One Day
nominated by lyle

Before I moved to London, I lived in a small village in Suffolk. Me and 500 other people. It was a charming village just outside Ipswich, complete with 14th century church, tithe barn and watermill. There was an old pub at the top of the main street, and proper half-timbered cottages painted chocolate box colours, and a millpond down by the river. You know, all the things that make a village utterly perfect. I was a lucky man.

2.meish dot org:life unfolding- Coining a New Phrase
nominated by lyle

Web 2.Oaf

3.Overnight Editor- Back to school with a gun
nominated by Angelalala

Yes - the English department.
Those failed homosexuals.

Because that classroom, with those Sirs at the helm
convinced us lads that poetry’s realm
was ladies, losers, or gifted squanderers,
poseurs, pansies, effete cloud-wanderers.

4. Pandemian- Super Smashing Great
nominated by Peach

The players appear to have come to the end of a round, or a set, or an innings, or whatever it is. The spectators have leapt to their feet and broken into enthusiastic song. The words to this song flash on the giant display that encircles the arena and go like this: DER NER NEH! DER NER NEH! DER NER NER NER NER NER NEH! I look on Wikipedia to see if this is obligatory for either the audience or the game but it does not say.

5.Status Anxiety-Régime change at Anxious Mansions
nominated by B

“I got a cutlery tray!” I beamed, with perhaps more excitement than is necessary under the circumstances. But we had been “managing” with knives, forks and spoons all mixed up in an old Kit-Kat tin (the mini Kit-Kats had long since been consumed), so it seemed like progress.

6.The Magistrate’s Blog- Attitudes
nominated by kate

A surly-looking young man of about 20 is in front of us. Over six months ago a bench ordered reports on him with a view to imposing a community penalty. It took Probation two attempts to get him into their office for interview, and that only lasted half of the scheduled time as he became abusive and walked out, objecting to being asked questions about himself.

7.The Perfect Ratio-Ode to Bunsies
nominated by overnighteditor

My uncle gave him to me at Thanksgiving dinner when I was 2. I started crying immediately. Perhaps it was a symbolic reenactment of the Native Americans proffering dead rabbits to the Pilgrims, and the Pilgrims shooting them.

8.This Recording-In Which I Show Little To No Compunction About Posting Images From My Brother’s Facebook
nominated by Perfect Ratio

Me: Just wait until you turn 24, all women want to know is if you have your Jew card (you do, barely), and if you make money at your job. Then they’ll just criticize you for approximately ever. You’re all set, though. Women will be asking you to pull their hair for the next fifty years. You’re cute as a button, you’re like the white Malcolm X except way less of a revolutionary.

9.Unreliable Witness-Scorched earth policy
nominated by Ciarian

Tell you what. What? Tell me what? Nothing. I tell you nothing. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. I scratch. Claws and spores. Claws and pores. Claws and effect.